Much has been written about how today's retirees are members of the sandwich generation - not only saddled with the costs of their own retirement, but also, in many cases, dealing with expenses related to the care of their elderly parents and the significant costs of raising and educating their children.
Enter another expense: caring for healthy adult children. I was just re-reading an article from Money Magazine, titled What You Owe Your Kids. It serves as an excellent reminder as to how common it is that adult children linger in the home these days. Furthermore, the higher the income level of the parents, the more likely it is that they are providing substantial assistance to their children. According to the article, nine out of 10 affluent boomers say they've given their adult kids a hand with their finances.
My children are so young that this is not yet an issue that makes sense to discuss with them. Still, I know I'll always love them and want to do everything I can to help. Yet somehow at this early stage, I feel like the best thing for them - if I have done my job right - will be for them to live independently - both physically and financially.
Am I wrong? Is it possible to plan these things? What are you doing about managing this situation for your adult children?
Enter another expense: caring for healthy adult children. I was just re-reading an article from Money Magazine, titled What You Owe Your Kids. It serves as an excellent reminder as to how common it is that adult children linger in the home these days. Furthermore, the higher the income level of the parents, the more likely it is that they are providing substantial assistance to their children. According to the article, nine out of 10 affluent boomers say they've given their adult kids a hand with their finances.
My children are so young that this is not yet an issue that makes sense to discuss with them. Still, I know I'll always love them and want to do everything I can to help. Yet somehow at this early stage, I feel like the best thing for them - if I have done my job right - will be for them to live independently - both physically and financially.
Am I wrong? Is it possible to plan these things? What are you doing about managing this situation for your adult children?
I think there are two things going on here. One is changing cultural expectations — parents and children are closer now than ever before, and there is an assumption that children should not have to suffer through poverty if mom and dad can lend them a hand. So on one hand, I can see your point.
But on the other, the changing economy has made it more difficult for young people to establish themselves as professionals. They need more education than their parents did to be competitive. After receiving a bachelor’s degree, they are much less likely than their parents were to find a salaried job with benefits. So, working adult children with degrees may hold down hourly or contract positions, work towards certification or an advanced degree, and barely make ends meet. It’s a common scenario.
I don’t think we can blame parents or kids — I think we should be working towards job growth and affordable healthcare for all.
I have 21 year old twins (boy/girl). They have one more year to go at college. They also have part-time jobs while at school. Summer jobs are very competitive this year, and it is very hard for these young people to
earn enough to cover their expenses. It is hard for us to help them out financially, but hard not to emotionally.
I have two adult daughters in their late 20s – told them that after college they don’t come home to live. So far they’ve kept the bargain, but if they lost their jobs and had no where to go, I’d break down and let them come home. You need to establish expectations early, so they know they are expected to do their best to live by their own means and only pitch in if absoluteley necessay.
We have a 36 yr old son (divorced), with two kids (he has residential custody)living with us. He is trying to finish a nursing degree. He has health problems (back pain and migraines) probably associated with an injury from when he was in the Army. Was laid off almost 3 years ago and has no income except to pay for his school. Not an easy situation to make decisions on. Want them to be on their own, but wonder if it is possible, even if he is working. We are retiring (both my husband and myself are being laid off) within the next 6 weeks, so our income will be dropping. Don’t want to withdraw too much from out retirement accounts to support them. We have told him to get a job (at least part time) to pay for himself and kids even if they continue to live with us. Not an easy situation. Not easy decisions.
@All: Thank you for sharing your poignant stories and attitudes. If there’s a common theme, it’s that there is no one answer – everyone’s situation is different and, most of all, fluid.
Yet if awareness of our decisions (made purposefully or in distress) is part of the battle, we’ve each made some progress by sharing our views with others.
Thanks again!